Renewing Sexual Integrity

Do you know that you love God more today than yesterday? And are you demonstrating your love by keeping his commandments?

We Christians who hope to recover from sin need an intentional spiritual formation that is based on God’s design for the human being, his love and good plan for us, and our unique character defects.

Sure, we desire to finish well, but do we have an intentional plan?

Some would say that all we need is our salvation experience, an event or time when we “accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior.” Acceptance of Christ’s atonement for our sins could have occurred in Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, or quietly at home as in my case. Or maybe in your adulthood you’ve acknowledged your need for God, and demonstrated the same by joining a church. There, we have an event.

But consider the process of “moving with God in the transformation of my own personality.” Christianity is about change. So just what does that moving with God look like?

When I’ve lost my way at the Denver Zoo, I’ll find a map that says “YOU ARE HERE!” It’s helpful to know where I am instead of walking in circles. Similarly, a GPS locates your current position in relationship to where you want to go.

If like the rest of us, you want peace and happiness, a measure of meaning, and hope for the future, then surveying your current condition is the best place to start.

In spiritual formation, we apprentice ourselves to Jesus Christ. From his Spirit, gradually we learn how to live Christ’s life in the midst of our circumstances – the same circumstances that God directs and permits with his infinite wisdom.

In this apprenticeship, we trade one life for another. While God is rescuing us from this difficult world, a future hell, and even ourselves, Christ directs us to take up our cross now and follow him. And paradoxically in surrender we find the sweet “fellowship of Christ’s sufferings.” [Philippians 3:10]

This “taking up and following,” to the point of surrender, is the secret to any true personal development.

One of my favorite contemporary teachers is Dallas Willard. He says that we “must learn and accept the responsibility of moving with God in the transformation of my own personality.” I couldn’t agree more.

Can you imagine the spiritual, psychological, behavioral, and relational repercussions of such an apprenticeship? What would become of us?

The traveling salesman would not simply refuse pornography on the road because he might get caught, but would cherish his friendship with God. Even our young sons and daughters might learn to “flee from sexual sin” if we modeled a genuine intimacy with God.

The fact is we are continually forming our spirits. No experience, however brief, leaves us unchanged. We are becoming now what we will be forever.

What are you becoming?

Recently I shared a devotional with Focus on the Family’s counseling department. My comments there, tie in with what I’m discussing this week in my weekday teleconferences for men.

My topic is spiritual formation. In this blog I’ll tailor my thoughts to recovery from sexual sin and addiction. The principles and process, however, apply to every Christian whether or not he struggles sexually.

Now to my main point – perhaps like me, one of your greatest desires in life is to finish well.

Yet frequently, I hear of another Christian leader or politician who has fallen morally. I grieve for them, and the rest of us – especially their families. Of greater concern, however, is how their sin degrades our culture’s understanding of Christianity.

For those of us who have loved Christ for some time, someone’s fall may not shock us. After all, in The Mortification of Sin John Owen reminded us that we must be killing sin daily or it will be killing us.

Like Paul, however, I’m flummoxed by “the sin that dwells within me.”

To the non-Christian or new Christian, we must look like a bunch of hypocrites. We’re accused of preaching one thing publically, while doing the opposite privately. How it must frustrate the masses that we insist on their sexual integrity when sin abounds in our ranks.

Enough about our reputations, however, the real issue here is Christ and how the world judges him based on what we say and do as Christians.

-to be continued

It’s an attention-grabbing subject. Have you ever wondered why?

Some contend that sex is only a big deal because of harmful, outdated, religious taboos. This secular view asserts that if we would just accept sex as a natural part of life, then it won’t be such an issue. Lacking a scriptural perspective, the naturalist concludes the solution must be to remove morality from sexuality as much as possible.

Unfortunately, the opposite (and equally unbalanced) reaction to this hot topic comes from the church. Prior to the 1960s, Christians engaged in what might be described, at best, as innocent negligence toward human sexuality. This attitude deteriorated into denial-laced reactivity as the sexual revolution rocked our culture. Shaming, fearful prohibitions confirmed that people of faith were merely on the defense. Devoid of compassion or hope, the religious voices had no good alternatives to offer.

Today’s more proactive churches are trying to find a relevant message. Still on the defense, however, they’re often grasping at straws in the flood of internet pornography. Behavioral approaches include computer filters and accountability groups, but the Christian sex addict finds these are easily sidestepped and lack intimacy or depth. We exhort our men to fight “Every Man’s Battle ” and our youth to remember “True Love Waits,” only to find that behavior-based remedies are as ineffective as the “Just Say No” campaign was against drugs.

So what’s a Christian to do? After trying everything else and throwing our hands up in despair, we’re left with one reality: despite all attempts to minimize or shamefully repress it, sex remains a big deal because God created it to be one. And therein lies the key to our dilemma.

Next time: metaphors and messages

The term, acting out, is recovery lingo for self-defeating behaviors. From our Christian viewpoint, we could also call these behaviors sinful. But what does acting out tell us about ourselves?

Our behaviors are “the tip of the iceberg.” Beneath our conduct is the real story that reveals our thoughts, emotions, and desires. Symptomatic of what’s going on inside of us, our behaviors are reacting to the pain that we’re trying to self-medicate. Ultimately, acting out reveals our need for inner peace with God and ourselves.

Usually we limit out understanding of acting out to bad behaviors. But what about the seemingly good behaviors that are mere smokescreens? When addiction resides in the heart of a man, there will be duplicitous living. His public behavior may seem excellent and commendable, but his private behaviors can be deplorable. His wife and children experience his moral schizophrenia and rarely know how to respond.

In Christ, we have the power and privilege of being our true selves. His Spirit makes us whole, and drives out false desires, damaged emotions, and distorted thoughts.

No doubt our redemption/recovery is a miracle. But Dr. Wayne Cordeiro, pastor of New Hope Christian Fellowship, reminds us that some miracles require cooperation.

It’s my desire to help you learn how to cooperate with God and the miracle of your recovery. If I can be of service, please contact me.

The topic of recovery is not without debate. Even in Christian circles we hear differing opinions on where we’re to begin. The question is easier to answer if we begin with what it means to be a human being.

As a Creationist, I believe that God made us in his image. This God with tri-part design (Father, Son, and Spirit), created us to have a trinity of our own (body, mind, and spirit). I realize these two trinities are not the same, but we can learn much of how we’re to live as a whole person by exploring God’s nature.

We can think of God’s trinity in this way: He is one personality or being with three distinct roles. He functions as God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. In early Church history, someone depicted God’s intergration in an image. By the way, the language shown is Latin and Pater means Father, Filius means Son, and Spus means Spirit. Non est means is not. Est means is. Take a few moments now to look at the Shield of the Trinity to see how the Father is God. The Son is God. The Spirit is God. But the different parts of God are not the same.

[Click on this image for a larger view]

But I can draw other conclusions from God’s design. In my personal trinity, I am body, mind, and spirit. Practically speaking, I believe these three faculities are knit together to form the soul. Therefore, I believe the integration of our parts should function in harmony just as God is harmonious within himself.

[Click on this image for a larger view]

Similarly I am one person, and I function as a husband, father, and son. Like God, I need to function holistically towards my family who depends on me. Of course, as a human being I can’t and don’t function perfectly. Just ask my family!

Even with a simplistic understanding of the soul in mind, we can begin to evalute our lives. We can take inventory of what works and what fails. We can explore our overall wellness, and investigate our physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual fitness.

I like to think that our body, mind, and spirit is like a spinal column. Each part, like a vertebra, serves a function, has it’s place to fill, and must serve the other parts interactively.

This “soul examen” helps us to look at the interactive health of our bodies, minds, and spirits. And if we’re honest with ourselves and in need of recovery, truth emerges and I have some choices to make.

Now, back to that question, “How do I begin to recover?” We start with an examine of conscience that leads us to accept the truth about ourselves and our personal limitations. This courageous start can take you into a deeper search for God, the author and finisher of our recoveries.

If you’re new to recovery, or needing to fortify your recovery experience, I want to encourage you to join me.  I hope you will contact me personally if I can be of help.